In America we have laws,
laws against killing, laws against stealing.
And it's just accepted that as a member of American society,
you will live by these laws.
In West Canaan, Texas, there is another society which has its own laws.
Football is a way of life.
That's me as a kid, playing ball with my best friends.
I'm Jonathan Moxon, but most people call me Mox.
As a boy growing up in West Canaan, Texas,
you never question the sanctity of football.
You just listen to what the coaches said and tried as best as you could to win.
Win at all costs.
Good morning, West Canaan. Creighton Miles here,
looking forward to seeing you tonight at Bud Kilmer Stadium
as the Coyotes take on the Bingville Bulls.
Kick-off time 7:30.
There'll be a victory celebration immediately following the game.
Think you'll play tonight?
- Do I ever play? - No, but...
Lance is the best quarterback in the state.
Why would we want anyone but him to play?
Well, maybe if you guys are running up the score, or what if Lance gets hurt?
Hey, don't even think about Lance going down.
That would be a disaster.
In fact, as a man of the cross, or in your case,
a man on the cross, I ask you to pray for the health of Lance Harbor.
Son, did you pray for playing time?
- Yeah, I just spoke to Jesus upstairs. - What?
The crucified 11 -year-old living in my room.
- Is Kyle strapped to that cross again? - Yup.
Kyle! Why is he so difficult?
Kyle, what is it with the cross?
I'm preparing to die for all of man's sins.
That's so sweet, honey.
I want it off, now!
How's your brother supposed to concentrate on tonight's game
with you running around with this whole deal strapped to your back?
- Dad, he's just experimenting. - Enough! I'm serious.
Now, we all need to concentrate on tonight's game!
- That's probably Billy Bob. - Mo!
Hey, Mox, you skinny ass bitch, let's roll!
Come on, man! Let's get in the truck! Let's go!
Come on, Mox, earn it! Come on! You got it!
Come on. You're almost there! Here we go!
You got it! Park it, baby, yeah!
You tell him, Bacon!
All right, Bacon, off in the flatbed.
Hey, hey! Come on, man. Hey, Billy Bob!
Good boy.
Billy Bob, I'm telling you, man,
this swine fucks up my new suit, man, he's road ham!
I'm sorry, Wendell. Just kick him off.
Hey. I'm gonna toss your pig ass out on the street! Move over!
- I love that dog. - I think it's a pig.
Yeah.
I love you, brother.
I had the most beautiful dream last night.
Well, all right.
Hey, you need anything, big guy, you let me know. Come on.
- Tweeter, let's go! - Yeah!
Come on, Tweeter! Let's go, dog!
Good mooning, boys, good mooning!
I been up since the crack of dawn, and I had to ask you a question.
- What is up with Carrie-Anne Baker? - Darcy's friend?
Oh, my God! She's got this look!
Like, "I just fell out of the I-wanna-suck-your-dick tree"
"and hit every branch on the way down."
- Relax, man, you got to focus. - I can't focus. I need to get some ass!
I need to hit some ass!
I'm about to fuck your pig! How about that?
Give me a kiss!
Tonight, we play Bingville.
Tonight, we beat Bingville!
In my 30 years of coaching at West Canaan,
I have brought two state titles and 22 district championships!
Count them!
And this year, God willing with your support for this great team,
I will bring number 23!
- Go, pack! Go, pack! Go, pack! - Yeah!
Yeah!
Now I present to you our captain, quarterback Lance Harbor.
Let's hear it!
- Hey. - Hey, you.
I swear Kilmer gets off on this. He's made your brother a god.
I was lying in bed last night
and I drifted off to sleep, and I had a dream
that we were beating Bingville 14-3.
But I woke up kind of sad,
but then I cheered up when I realized it was only a dream, because
I know we'll beat Bingville by way more than that.
Tell me this insanity is over in a few weeks.
Five more games. No more football, no more Kilmer,
and, if I get into Brown, no more West Canaan.
No more games on Friday nights?
You don't like games on Friday nights?
I like trains better.
Really? You wanna watch trains tonight?
Sure.
Hi, everybody. This is Creighton Miles,
the voice of West Canaan High School football.
And the Coyotes tonight will play the Bingville Bulls
and then try the state undefeated.
Joining me in the booth is Stubby "Stud Daddy" Tanner,
former defensive great for the Coyotes.
Welcome to the booth. Do you have a few words for the folks?
Well, just one thing for those Bingville fans.
If their granny lives in Bingville, you better tell her to move,
'cause the Coyotes are coming to burn her house down.
And yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no faggots from Bingville.
And yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...
All right. Stay loose, Mox.
You never know when Kilmer might play you.
Yeah.
Bingville don't stand no chance And Bingville can't see my dance
You wanna see the new Tweeter end-zone dance?
Check it out.
- You know what it's called? - Hell yeah, Tweeter!
- What? - The new Tweeter end-zone dance.
Here I come.
Stick.
Set! Hut 18!
Hut 19! Go!
Lance Harbor, two-year all-state, what a night he's having.
Twins right. Now get in there.
Come on down fifth! Take it in now, yeah!
Come on, let's go!
Go!
Hey, Sammy. That's about the most action your boy's seen, isn't it?
- Coyotes on the lip of the cup. - We're punching it in for six.
Set! Go!
Billy Bob?
Billy Bob! Trainer!
Billy Bob, you all right?
- Did we score? - Yeah, Billy Bob, we got the six.
How many fingers?
- Three? - Wait a minute. Hold on.
It's got to be true or false.
Billy Bob, the man's holding up some fingers, true or false?
True?
He's all right, Coach.
- Come on, boy! - He's all right.
If your daddy hadn't played his heart out for me, I'd cut your ass.
Well, that was a good thing tonight! Good thing tonight!
Good pass, Bo. Johnny and Robert.
Defense in third quarter, excellent effort. Where's the game ball?
The game ball goes to, surprise-surprise, Lance Harbor.
Get yourself another shelf. Pretty good running the ball, Wendell.
Really not bad, boy. How you feeling?
Dog tired. It's my knee.
Never show weakness. Never show weakness.
The only pain that matters is the pain you inflict.
Look at Billy Bob. He got enough heart for all y'all. Look at this old boy.
- Four more games. - Yup. Hang in there, man.
You're doing fine.
Hey, Tweeter. Hey, man, you got any? My knee's killing me.
Sweetness. 500 milligrams?
- How many can I have? - Keep them. I got more at home.
This team needs is a lot more effort...
What is this shit? I'm not interested in your fucking muscles.
- Maybe that's what happened... - Kilmer.
In the fourth quarter. You're looking off in the goddamn stands!
What a fucking asshole?
I'm telling you, there's people here that
- are not focused on this fucking game! - I'm getting fucked up tonight.
- Yup, I'm getting fucked up. - I ain't just talking about you.
I'm talking to other people, too!
Come on, Bacon. That's it, baby. Be a good dog, here you go.
There you go. You chug it! Chug it!
And what do you mean is he a boy or a girl?
Of course he's a boy. Look at the size of that sausage!
Isn't that right, boy? Hey! Look at the size of that sausage!
Baby, I just got so excited thinking about next year
and Florida State and the future.
I think I need to be your wide receiver.
Really, baby? Here?
Not here, here, but somewhere here.
Come on.
Now how come you never dress like that?
Costs a lot of money to look that cheap.
Well, no, she's pretty sharp. She pulls A's.
- That's not all she pulls. - I'm just saying she's not stupid.
You shut up.
She broke my heart, so I broke herjaw
- So when did you graduate? - I'm class of 1980.
Hey, he's class of 1980.
Yeah? Graduated 1980 and still come to all these football parties?
I never miss these.
- Well, that's team spirit! - Yeah, it is.
- Ain't it? That is team spirit. - Yes, sir.
All right, you ready to be on America's Hilarious Home Videos, or what?
Absolutely.
All right, put down that glass.
All right, now pick up that there flowerpot.
All right, bring it up over your head.
All right, now close your eyes. Think real hard.
- You getting this? - You know I got it.
Then say, "I'm stupid and I'm about to get hit in the nuts."
That's funny. Ain't it, buddy?
That's what I mean, see. They need to change the name of the show
to America's Funniest Shots in the Nuts!
Baby, I don't know if I can concentrate here.
Relax, let the dryer do the work.
- Go, go, go, go, go, go, go! - Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
All right, fancy boy. You ready to show us your dinner?
Nothing but net!
- Billy Bob! Billy Bob! - Billy Bob! Billy Bob!
You thinking about calling some dinosaurs?
I figured I'd give them a holler.
- Billy Bob's gonna puke. - Here he goes!
Move!
Hey, if you're hungry, I left a few hot dogs in here.
I'm back! Puke and rally!
Give me a beer!
- Break! - Break!
Set! Go!
There he is! There he is! That a boy, that a boy, Lance!
You see that? That's the way to ride them.
All right! First string offense, take water!
- Give me a huddle! Give me a huddle! - Dummieos! Dummieos!
Follow your dummieo QB to the mud for a scrimmage.
- Think about it now. - Moxon, pick it up!
Your attitude's earning you laps right now, boy.
Keep smiling, shithead.
He used to hammer my ass the exact same way 27 years ago!
Hell, it's good for him.
Shit, them boys is having the time of their lives!
No doubt about it.
- Oop-dee-oop left, on one. Ready? - Break!
Let's go, big Mox!
Shift!
What the hell kind of offense is that?
Kilmer gonna eat his ass. Watch this. See?
In Jesus name, Moxon, what are you doing?
What kind of lu-lu formation you pulling?
- It's a secret. - It's a secret?
Your dummieos can't even run a simple draw
and you got secret formations?
Shit for brains, this isn't no fucking sand lot!
- It's called a oop-dee-oop. - It's an oop-dee-oop. Oop-dee-oop!
Nevada State averaged over 40 points a game with this offense.
Overload the defense on the strong side,
burn them one on one on the other.
You got a bad attitude, and you don't listen!
We do things around here my way! You understand that?
You think you're in some fancy school? Bullshit!
You show me the kind of smarts, makes me wonder if you know
the difference between a sneeze and a wet fart!
You gonna be second string all your life, boy!
Man! Kilmer loves to bag on your boy, Sammy.
Been on him all season.
Oop-dee-oop! Give me a break! Oop-dee-fucking-oop! Give me a break.
I stood up to it, so will he.
Yup, gonna hold our Troy back a year
so he'll be bigger for frosh try-outs.
Eighth grade isn't so bad, is it, Son?
Our Kyle's dying to get into a Coyote jersey.
Had that ankle injury, but he's ready to go now.
Ain't that right, Son?
Kyle?
Kyle!
He's very spiritual.
Shame nobody had the mind to hold us back
when we was kids, eh, Sammy boy?
Hell, I didn't fair so bad.
Lance? Toss me one, Son.
Let's show them your old pop's still got it!
Button hook right on three. Hut! Hut! Hut!
Slow enough he could have mailed it.
Well, there you go, Sammy boy.
- Oh, no. - Let's see it, old man!
Let's show them how it's done.
But, Dad, come on, you're gonna fall on the barbecue.
Slant right on three. Don't talk back to your father.
Set. Hut! Hut! Hut! Come on, boy, hit it!
Well, I guess bad hands just runs in the family.
What's that supposed to mean?
It's just for grins, don't get your panties in a bunch.
If Kilmer weren't such a prick, my boy would be starting quarterback.
Is that a fact? And you think he's first string?
- That's right. - I smell a challenge.
How about you, Jonnie? Do you think you're better than my boy?
Well, hell. It ain't multiple choice.
I think it's best we settle this matter once and for all.
You all remember William Tell? Get up, Lance.
Let's show them what it takes to start for Kilmer's Coyotes.
- Stop it, Dad. This isn't funny! - Knock off this here can.
- Show them what you're made of. - Come on, Lance. Nail the can! Nail it!
You up, Sammy boy.
- Dad, come on, this is stupid! - Throw it.
Sporting some 'tude now!
- Be a winner. Throw the damn ball! - Come on, Jonnie, you can do it!
Sit on the bench! Show us what you do best!
- He's chicken! - Yeah, he is a chicken.
- Throw that damn ball! - Hey, you feel like chicken tonight?
You can do it!
I raised you to be a winner. So damn it, boy, win!
Fire that fucking pigskin!
Nice shot!
- Get some ice for him! - Not ice, get him a beer.
- Oh, my God. - Oh, man.
Ladies and gentlemen. Ladies and gentlemen.
We are adults,
and I think it's necessary that we move beyond the common nomenclature
commonly associated with sexual reproduction.
Now, I want everybody together to go ahead and say,
"Penis, penis, penis, vagina, vagina, vagina."
Come on, you all, say it.
Penis, penis, penis, vagina, vagina, vagina.
Well, good! Great!
Now, I think it's also very important that we discuss and discard
any slang terms for different sex organs. Please.
Because today, we are going to begin our study of
the male erection.
Hand down, Billy Bob.
Okay. So what are a few of the slang expressions
for the male erection we want to identify and discard?
Elliot?
Boner?
- Is boner one of them? - Yes.
Boner is good. Boner is very...
What, Billy Bob?
- Can I go to the bathroom? - Please.
Now, does anybody have any others before we move on?
Mr. Moxon, care to share with us?
The male erection?
Pitching a tent. Sporting wood. Icicle's formed. The march is on.
Thank you, Jonathan.
Stiff, stiff y, Mr. Mortis, rigor mortis has set in, flesh rocket.
Jack's magic beanstalk, tall Tommy, mushroom on a stick,
Mr. Mushroom head, purple-headed yogurt slinger,
and Pedro.
Pedro?
- Billy Bob, are you okay? - Yes, ma'am.
Call the nurse!
Go on now.
- How you feeling, son? - Can't seem to hold down any chow, sir.
Must be nerves.
Don't you worry. You're gonna play every minute of that game.
Nurse doesn't think I should play.
She doesn't, does she?
Because, well, I got my head whacked last week.
Well, she don't have no division title to win, does she?
I'm gonna ask you, son,
are you ready to go?
- Yes, sir. - That's my soldier, William Robert.
Now you rest here. Take advantage, see you at 4:00 practice.
Yes, sir.
Hut!
Fourth down, 1:49 to play, Greenville.
Stubby, leading 21 -17.
If they hope to win the ball game,
the Coyotes have got to stop Greenville right here.
- Break! - Break!
Hornets, come to the line of scrimmage.
James Cowboy pulls the quarterback gives the football to Terry and...
He's stopped right in his tracks!
Yes! Our ball. He got the bastards!
That's ours to win now! Ours to win!
Get out there and win this ball game.
All right, 4-95. Let's go. Get out there.
Come on, Lance!
Let's go! Let's go!
Billy Bob, I need you for one more series, Hoss.
Get in there! Get in there! Right deep.
Are you sure you're all right to play?
- If you're not all right, say something. - Moxon.
Get your ass back on that bench!
Let's go, boys, let's go! Ours to win now. Door's open, let's go!
- Break! - Break!
Set! Blue 32!
Blue 32!
Go!
Lord, don't do this to me.
Stub, I'll tell you, I've hardly ever heard this stadium this quiet.
Lance Harbor, laying there on the field.
And you see his future going down the drain.
Committed to Florida State.
And now what must this do to the Coyotes' football plans?
Oh, God.
Lance, please be okay. Lance.
Oh, God. It's my knee, man.
I'm sorry, man. Lance!
You're looking now coming in Lasala, and you got Moxon looking to come in.
Yeah, and you've taken more snaps than he's taken.
We got a game here. Let's go. We got a game.
We got a game to win. Let's go.
Watch me for the signals. Stay focused.
And don't worry, son, I'm behind you.
- Let's go. Let's go. - Well, there goes the season.
That Moxon isn't worth the Charmin extra soft he wipes his butt with.
He's hurt bad, Mox. It's all my fault, man. It's all my fault.
All right, I right, 494, Z-post, on one.
I right, 494, Z-post, on one.
- Ready? Break! - Break!
Here we go with Moxon as quarterback.
Yeah, they say this guy scratches hisself better than he throws the ball.
Set! 2-80!
2-80! Go!
Yeah! En garde!
Jon Moxon with a 40-yard pass! Where'd this kid come from?
Hey! That's my boy!
- Everybody on the ball! Get on the ball! - He's got to stop the clock!
- Drag it. Drag it out. - Stop play! Stop play! Stop play!
Give me the horny hex!
The clock's still running! The clock's still running!
Go!
Huddle up!
I can't... Go again. I can't.
- You got it! - Fuck it.
I don't know what play they're calling. How's your arm?
- It's fine. I'm cool. - All right.
- Last chance for the Coyotes. - Set!
Moxon the quarterback.
This is not the formation! That's not the formation!
Go!
Moxon hands off to Brown, throwback pass, complete!
- He's got a chance! - Moxon has the football!
- He's got a chance! - What's the move? Heading for...
- Touchdown! Good grief! - Touchdown! Touchdown!
Bud Kilmer pulls off another one! Unbelievable!
Holy shit!
Mr. Harbor? Lance is out of surgery.
You should be able to visit him in just a little while.
- How long's he out? - Any chance for this season?
Look, Lance tore every ligament he's got.
He's gonna need several surgeries
over the next few months just to repair them all.
How long?
Minimum, year and a half, if ever.
No, no.
Lance's ride?
His scholarship to Florida State?
Jesus.
Look, I'm amazed he hasn't had problems before this.
I removed a hell of a lot of scar tissue from that boy's knee.
He shouldn't even have been playing.
Never said anything to me.
Moxon, get on home. Get some shuteye.
Harbors appreciate you being here,
but there's nothing more you can do tonight. Get on.
You go on. I'll stay with them, okay?
- All right. I'll call you. - All right.
Well, I guess I should be going, too, then,
this being a family thing and all.
- Thanks again for the ride, Mox. - No problem.
- What the hell are you doing? - Changing.
Come on. I'm wearing underwear. It covers up the same as a bathing suit.
Does it really bother you?
Whatever, I... You know, I can handle it.
This has been the worst night of my life.
You really aren't looking.
You're sweet.
Lance is gonna be all right.
His career is probably over.
No, you guys are gonna be all right. You love each other.
Things change, Mox. I don't wanna think about it right now.
- I'm sorry. - It's okay.
I mean, what about you and Jules?
Is there a future?
Yeah, you know, I mean, she's great.
I got another year until she's graduating but...
I mean, I love spending time with her, you know.
Things change, Mox.
You're the starting quarterback now.
- Well, you're here. - You're not coming in?
No. Not tonight. It doesn't seem right with Lance all fucked up.
You don't always have to do the right thing, Mox.
We'll continue this any time you want.
Shit.
Hey, girls.
- Hey, Tweeter. How you doing? - Good. How are you?
Well, well, well, if it ain't Charlie Tweeter.
Yes, it is.
So how we doing tonight?
- How we doing? Well, we are doing fine. - Congratulations.
- Well, congratulations to you, too. - Congratulations for what?
Well, for getting to wear such cute "mount me" hats.
- "Mount me"? - Well, not right away,
I mean, after a couple of drinks, maybe. I don't know.
- Hey. Hey. Hey. - All right.
We just wanna make sure no one drinks and drives.
I was just kidding. Just kidding.
- You got a smart mouth. - I know, I got a smart mouth,
and I got to watch it, and you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna go home.
I'm gonna give you these drinks. Take this, please.
I don't want to drink and drive.
There'll be no drinking and no driving.
I think it's time for you to go home.
I think you're right. I'm going home, all right?
- You go home. - I'm going home.
- Bye, Tweeter. - You know what? You hurt my feelings,
- and now I'm going home, all right? - Where's Billy Bob?
I'm gonna go home, and you can kiss my ass.
Haines, he's taking the car!
I'm gonna go to jail.
Son of a bitch!
Great game tonight.
Thanks. How much?
Your money's no good here.
Jonathan Moxon, you are under arrest
for not being naked with some sophomore chick
who wants to bathe you with her tongue.
Now take off your goddamn clothes and get in the car.
- Tweeter? - Damn right, Tweeter.
They're about as sharp as a box of marbles, but we're all naked in there,
and we got handcuffs and cool shit to play with.
Now take off your clothes and get in the car.
Mox, Tweeter threw my clothes out the window.
- Will you come keep me warm? - Shit.
I can't go with you. But, here, I'll give you my jacket. Here you go.
Thank you.
- Sorry, Mox. I got to bail. - All right.
Ladies. Shut up and hold onto your nipples.
Hey, you weren't asleep, were you?
No. I was lying in bed naming my unborn children.
How's Lance?
He's out of the first surgery.
They're gonna have to go back in there again in a few weeks.
Man. I'm going to see him tomorrow.
- I heard you played a great game. - It was strange.
Strange to be a god now?
I don't know. I mean...
We did win, you know.
I don't know, I've been... I just been walking around for a while.
What's wrong, Jonnie?
Want me to get dressed and come out there?
No. I'm just gonna go home.
It's been a really weird night. I don't know. I'll see you tomorrow.
Well, they stole a state trooper car,
and then they exposed themselves to the ladies' auxiliary.
I tell you, these players nowadays, they just running around lawless.
There you go.
They're all hopped up on beer and painkillers is what it is.
- Painkillers. - They exposed theirselves?
Yup. Yeah. They pulled out their wangers,
pressed them up against the glass at the Alano Club
while the girls was rehearsing the Christmas pageant.
Now that ain't right.
Wangers on the glass at the Alano Club?
Yes.
No. No good.
You know, we never stole no cars.
I don't think I can just keep letting these boys get away with this stuff...
Earl? Earl?
My boys too much trouble for you?
No, Coach. They just kids.
You know, Sam's boy looked pretty good last Friday.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
They all get theirselves a sweet hand now and again.
Moxon sure ain't got what Lance has.
Set. Go.
So, now I wanna know where Jon Moxon came from.
- Forty-yard scramble touchdown. - What a great run.
Way to go, Jonnie.
- Go, Mox, Go! - Go, Mox, Go!
Yeah, Mox.
- Hey, nice game, Jonathan. - Well, thank you.
- See you in class. - All right.
Yes, you will. That's a nice car on a teacher's salary.
Look, I'm going with my dad to see Lance. You wanna come?
This is Olin Buchanan of KPJT.
Mox, how does it feel to be out of Lance Harbor's shadow
and showing everyone that you've been underrated?
Gee, I mean, Lance Harbor left some pretty big shoes to fill.
I don't know that I'll ever get the job done like he did.
And we all want to know about you planning to play ball in the lvy League.
Ivy Leagues?
Heck, I don't know. I don't know.
I just wanna thank God and my teammates for the win today.
I mean, Jonathan Moxon's only one man, you know.
I'm just one man.
- Thanks. - All right, thank you.
"Gee"? "Heck"? You even thanked God.
- You know, you're a scary superstar. - Come on, Jules.
You referred to yourself as one man. You're really enjoying this.
Why not? It's a trip.
God. Look, I'm gonna go see my dad.
All right.
All right, let's razzle dazzle them dummy D's with a little package six.
- The old hook and ladder. - Man, that play don't work.
- Someone always screws up. - Well, have a little fun, then.
All right. Hook and ladder left, on one.
Hook and ladder left, on one.
- Ready? Break! - Break!
This ain't the one where I trot down field and look like I'm lost, is it?
Guy, huddle them back up again. Huddle up. Clayton, huddle them up.
Give me a huddle!
Billy Bob, this play is for you, all right?
- Tweeter's gonna pitch you the ball. - Oh, no.
Oh, no what? Just catch the ball. Look, a ball. I'm gonna catch it.
You big dummy. That's all.
But wait a minute, but I'm no eligible receiver though.
- See what I mean, Mox? - Just catch the damn ball, all right?
- Fine. - Hook and ladder left, on one.
- Ready? Break! - Break!
Go.
When did the damn circus come to town?
I didn't see no trucks.
Would've been six if he'd held onto the ball.
For which team?
You listen hard. Stick to the basics. Stick to the basics. Stick to the basics.
We're a running team. You only call what I tell you to call.
You hear me in there?
You are the damn dumbest smart kid I know.
Come in.
No, don't sit. It won't take a minute.
You're dragging ass out there, son,
and it's fucking up my universe. You understand?
You're fat, you're slow, all of a sudden you're lazy.
And if it wasn't for you, I would still have my starting quarterback.
I'm wondering what happened to you.
- My... Coach, my head... - I don't want no excuses.
I want you to fix it.
Get out of here.
Get the hell out.
Hey, Mox, wait up.
- So, what time? - What time what?
What time are you coming over tonight?
- Tonight? - It's half price night at the gun club.
My folks never get home before 12:00.
Visited Lance today at the...
This is about you and me.
I've known you my whole life.
I'm not telling anyone you're coming over.
Any time after 7:00.
Why be good? I'm always good.
Where's my upside to being good?
I'm 18 years old. It's not like I'm married to her.
She invited me over. I'm just being polite. Right, Kyle?
- Kyle? - I only answer to one name.
I'm the great and honorable El Ali Akbar Shabazz Da.
That's a bunch of names.
But there is only one God. All praise be to Allah.
Yeah, but would Allah nail Darcy if he had the chance?
I think he would.
Okay.
- Gave up on you. - Am I too late?
No. Come in.
I'm glad you came.
I mean, it's kind of weird to have you in my house, isn't it?
Yeah.
I feel like I'm doing something illegal.
Well, not yet.
Look at me. I'm a mess. No one ever sees me like this.
I think this is the best I've ever seen you look.
You're sweet, Mox, but you know you are.
Nice house.
I was about to make an ice cream sundae.
You want one?
Yeah, have one. I'll make it.
All right.
Do you want whipped cream?
- Sure. - Okay.
Come here.
Wait. Wait. Wait, wait. Wait. I can't.
We can't. This is not... I'm really sorry. All right?
What? You're sorry?
There's Lance and then there's Jules,
and I don't know if I love Jules but I might.
What I do know is I don't love you. But Lance, he might love you. I can't...
I don't love Lance. It was never about love.
It's about me getting a better life.
Lance and I were gonna leave.
Now I know he's probably gonna stay in West Canaan
and be the manager at Wal-Mart and coach JV football.
Darcy.
I just wanted to go with you.
Look, you're gonna get out of West Canaan on your own.
All right? You're smart.
Unbelievable.
What?
I usually fall for the whipped cream bikini every time.
- Wendell? - Hey, what's up, Mox?
- Meet at the Mini-Mart at 10:00 tonight. - 10:00? For what, man?
- I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you. - All right.
Hey, have you seen Billy Bob? I can't find him.
I'm afraid something's wrong.
- Kilmer. - Kilmer?
Come on, Mox. He's been riding the fuck out of Billy Bob, man,
blaming him for Lance's knee and shit.
Look, man, I'm over this shit. I'm over it.
- I hear you, man. - You don't hear me, man.
Kilmer's a fucking-ass racist redneck.
You know how many yards I average a game?
- About 100? - 133.
You know how many touchdowns I have?
Three. That's only because I broke for over 20 yards each time.
Every time we get inside the 10, he gives the ball to Lance on a sweep
or some fucking roll out to a white receiver. It's bullshit.
- I'm just Kilmer's black work horse. - Kilmer.
You think he'd pick up the phone and call Texas Tech or A&M for me?
Fuck no. My mom's been doing my recruiting.
She's got Grambling coming to see me.
Damn, Mox, I thought you knew.
Shit is fucked up.
Fuck Kilmer, all right? I'll get you in the end zone.
We cool, Mox. Hey.
You got shit to tend to. See you at practice, man.
- What's up, Darcy? - Hey.
Hey. How are you?
Tell me not to feel weird around you.
Look, Darcy, the last thing I need right now is for anything to come between us.
Okay? Look, we're friends. We're just a little closer now.
- Okay? - Yeah, I guess we are.
- Thanks, Mox. - No problem.
Wait, Jules. Wait a minute. Jules.
Would you listen to me, all right? Bitches are all just panty droppers.
You understand? That's it.
What?
Listen, you give them a Percocet, two Vicodin and a couple of beers,
and the panties drop. Very nice.
- It's nice. - It's nice.
Tweeter, do you think you'll enjoy prison?
I don't know. What?
- Where are we going tonight? - That's a surprise.
Just make sure everyone's at the Mini-Mart at 10:00, all right?
- I'm bringing Lance. - Nice.
What the fuck is that?
Oh, my God. It's star quarterback, Jonnie Moxon.
Somebody hold me up.
Look, there's nothing going on with Darcy Sears. All right?
I've known her since kindergarten. Nothing's ever happened.
You mean you've never seen her in her whipped-cream bikini?
- No. - Funny.
That's how she got Lance.
Come on, Jules, are we together or what?
I don't date football players.
Come on, Jules, I've always been a football player.
Number 26.
No, you were something different. At least I thought you were.
What a Kodak moment. Star quarterback Jonnie Moxon
having a gut-check minute about who he really is.
- You don't think all this is hard? - Hard? On who?
- Jules. - Mox.
We had a thing and it was great, okay.
Things have changed a little bit, and that's okay.
- Maybe you should go. - You can't make me leave.
Oh, my God. Everybody come meet Jonnie Moxon.
The Mox, the star quarterback of the Coyotes.
He's at my window.
Good game. Good game, man.
- Bring it on. - These are from Brett.
And you boys are on the house all night.
- All right. - Oh, yeah.
Gentlemen, I'm gonna go nuts.
My gift to you. To Kilmer.
- Fuck Kilmer. - Fuck Kilmer.
Hey, Tweeter. Take my shot, man. You know I don't drink.
- Come on, you're drinking tonight. - We got Elwood tomorrow, man.
- We can't be staying up all late. - Relax.
Just chill, Wendell, and look over your left shoulder.
What's up?
God damn.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Come on. Come on, keep your shirt on, Billy Bob.
It's a strip club, man. I'm here to work.
Shit.
Work it, Billy Bob. Let's go, dog.
Oh, no. Oh no, come on.
Here you go, have a beer. Come on.
Come on, man.
Go, Billy Bob.
- What a nut. - Hey, you know of all these guys,
you're the only one that came and visited me in the hospital.
You're a good friend.
And also, and I have to say that,
thank you very much for dragging my ass out here.
I appreciate everything you've done for me.
You're not gonna try and hug me now, are you?
Yeah, baby, take it off!
- Oh, my God. It's Miss Davis. - Holy shit. It is Miss Davis.
- It's Miss Davis. Miss Davis. Yeah. - No way.
I just want you to know that I am 18,
and I have had sex with older women before.
It was topical. It was erotic.
I gave it a 9.5. I still got wood. Still.
I gave it a 10.
- A 10. A fucking 10. - Gentlemen.
I'd like to propose a toast. To Miss Davis.
- Miss Davis. - Ten.
Fuck me. It's 7:00.
What'd you just say?
It's 7:00.
- God, what's that smell? - That's us.
- Who we playing tonight? - Shit.
10. 3-15. 3-15. Go.
Well, Jon Moxon finding out how the other half lives here,
Stubby, as he gets crushed on that play.
I tell you, that was a true slobberknocker on that. He took a whooping,
and Bud Kilmer can't be happy, the way his team's playing tonight.
Why don't you let the pom-pom girls play for you?
Goddamn worst game I ever seen.
I thought you said Elwood wasn't that good.
They ain't. They're playing like shit.
Anybody wanna stop these guys from planting my ass?
I got the squirts, Mox. I think that liquor's still in my system.
And I cannot concentrate because I keep seeing
Miss Davis' fat ass in my face, bouncing and...
Look, I'm hung-over, too, all right?
We got to suck it up. We got to put one in the end zone.
All right, 4-95. Curl, on one.
All right, 4-95. Curl, on one. Eyes up.
- Ready? Break! - Break!
The hard work of so many is sacrificed
by the disrespect of the few.
Moxon,
you sacrificed the honor
of this football team and the town that supports it.
Shit, you poisoned my team, son.
Hope last night was fun. Hope it was fun.
Was it fun? Was it fun?
You think you don't have to listen to me?
Your daddy was a no-talent pussy, but at least he listened.
Little Billy Bob crybaby.
You cost me my perfect season. How does it feel?
Cry me a river, you fat fucking baby. You disgust me.
My star quarterback is dragging his leg around, because of you.
And on top of that, I got to sit and watch you cry about it.
Well, you know what? Get the fuck out of here.
I don't wanna see your fat face. Get out. Get the fuck out of here.
Get out of here.
People are saying you organized an all-night drinking party.
It's why you boys dragged ass out there.
- Save it, Dad. - Save it? Save what?
You got the opportunity of a lifetime, you're treating it like...
Playing football at West Canaan is not the opportunity of a lifetime.
Your attitude's wrong. Your tone of voice is wrong.
- This is your opportunity... - For you.
Playing football at West Canaan
may have been the opportunity of your lifetime,
but I don't want your life.
What the hell's Bacon doing here?
Billy Bob dropped him off. Said you'd know how to take care of him.
- Mind if I take a seat beside you? - Don't move.
This is for most-improved player at lineman camp.
I was 11.
- How'd you find me? - What the hell are you doing?
Championship trophy. Steelers.
We were nine. Remember this shit?
- Playing Pee-Wee? - Yeah. It was fun.
No, it wasn't. I remember getting yelled at.
"You're too fat, Billy Bob! Too slow and dumb!"
We were just little kids, Mox. Just little kids.
It's like nothing was never good enough.
- It's almost over. - No.
- It's over, man. This is so over. - Come on.
- What? - This is bullshit.
What?
You're gonna let fucking football bullshit get you?
Fucking Kilmer? You're gonna let Kilmer win?
What else am I supposed to do?
- Why don't you fucking tell me? - Quit! Fuck it!
Who gives a flying fuck
about Bud Kilmer's 23rd district championship?
- I don't. - I do!
I do.
Man, Coach loved me like a son. Treated me like one, too.
He told me to protect Lance and I didn't. I fucked everything up, man.
Kilmer fucked up and every single player on that team knows it.
That's where you're wrong, Mox. You're wrong.
Look. We got one more game left, and we need you.
I need you.
Who the fuck's gonna protect my ass?
Come on.
Your bony ass?
I don't think I have a bony ass.
I think I have a very nice ass.
It is kind of nice.
Yeah! Yeah!
Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, you son of a bitch!
Sam, we're a little worried about the Gilroy game.
Yup. You know, this is their first year to play in our district.
And they were Four-A all last year.
Since they dropped down to Three-A, they've been killing people.
Hell, they've been hurting people.
Believe me when I tell you, Mox will stick to the game plan.
- That's what we came to hear. - Thank you, Sam.
Hey, hey. What's the deal with these kids?
- These are my people. - Your people?
- My people. - Kyle, did you start a cult?
- Yup. - That's so sweet.
Out! Out! Out! Come on freakos, get lost! Come on!
Now that's it! No more religions!
You're healthy, you're gonna play football.
You understand?
Hey, Jonnie, this here letter came for you yesterday.
Brown.
"Dear Jon, I hope you're as pleased to receive this letter"
"as I am to send it to you."
"You have been admitted to the 235th class"
"to enter the college of Brown University."
Jon. Great, Jon...
"Enclosed in this packet are details about your university grant package"
"which covers your full financial needs."
Jon, Jonnie. I'm real proud about Brown,
but I need to talk to you about Gilroy.
- Gilroy? - Yeah.
Tell me who wins.
- What are you so damn happy about? - My cat's okay. I can play.
I took your advice, they scanned my cat. I can play!
Scanned your cat?
- You got a CAT scan? - Yeah!
The doctor said you have a human brain and that it works?
- Yeah. Can you believe it? - That's great!
Man.
Good news. Damn, it's good to hear that.
Gentlemen. Now that none of us are inebriated,
I just wanted to remind you of our little conversation.
I really appreciate y'all not saying anything.
We already made a pact not to say a word.
- Really? - Miss Davis?
Would you go to prom with me?
- One, two, three. - Coyotes!
Jog it in! Let's go. Jog it in.
How you feeling, Jonnie?
All right, I guess.
You understand that by running the ball, we control the clock.
And we can grind them and the tempo of the game way down.
Are you hearing me?
You disobey me, and I will bury you. I know about your scholarship to Brown.
I got your grades under review, and don't you think for a minute
that I can't fuck with your transcripts and get this whole deal blown for you.
I get what I want, and you get what you want.
That's it.
- Hi. - What do you want?
I'm really sorry.
I really need to talk to you.
- It's late. - I got into Brown today.
Full academic scholarship.
Jonnie, that's great! I'm so proud of you.
What? What's wrong?
Kilmer's threatening to fuck up my scholarship
if I don't play by his rules tomorrow.
- Then quit. - Can't.
- Then play. - You don't understand.
- It's just a football game. - No, it's not.
If it was just football I'd play.
I love football when it's pure, but this...
This isn't pure.
You're right. I don't understand.
If I play for Kilmer tomorrow and we win, he wins.
Everyone in West Canaan will go on believing
- he's the best coach that ever lived. - Yeah.
What about the next team he coaches?
And the one after that?
What if my little brother ends up playing for him?
I would be buying into everything that's wrong with this town.
You want some cheese with that whine?
- What? - You're a whiner.
Why don't you just step up and play the hero?
- A hero? - Come on, Mox.
You're a football guy.
You're gonna tell me you don't know about heroes?
Yeah, but heroes win.
What if I lose?
Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come,
thy will be done, on Earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory,
for ever and ever. Amen.
Listen up, people.
Everything you've all done to this point means nothing.
All of them two a days in the heat mean nothing,
all them games we won mean nothing if you don't win tonight.
No district title, no shot at state.
This game is 48 minutes, for the next 48 years of your life!
Okay, break it down!
Let's go. Coyotes, on three!
- One, two, three. - Coyotes!
West Canaan versus Gilroy for the whole megillah.
This is the game. This is what it's all about.
Coyotes will receive the ball. You gentlemen shake hands.
Let's have a good, hard-hitting, clean football game.
Coyotes have won the toss. Pass out the ammunition,
let's go to war!
I right, shift 52. We are a running team.
Remember what I said. Now, go fetch me a championship!
- Go on! - Let's go, Moxon!
Get down their throats now!
Blue 19! Blue 19! Go!
What a great drive. Basically going to Brown the whole way.
You can stamp "U.S. mail" on his butt.
First and go from the eight.
You got to give it to Brown and let him take it in.
Slot left, 35 dive.
Move your ass in, let's go!
Here we go. Slot left, 35 dive.
Fucking Kilmer! Shit's fucked up.
We'll change that to 25 dot.
- Don't be stupid. - What? No way, man.
Does somebody have a problem with Wendell putting one in the end zone?
- No, sir. - I didn't think so.
Slot left, 25 dive, on one. Slot left, 25 dive, on one. Ready?
- Break! - Break!
- Let's take it in. - Go!
Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Yeah, baby! Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah!
- Thanks, Mox. Thanks, baby. - Yeah! Let's go.
Yeah, keep it up, asshole.
Coyotes leading 7 to 0. Gilroy with the football just at mid-field.
Byron "Booger" Bosell gets the pitch. He's at mid-field.
- He's gonna go. - 40, 35, he's at the 30, 20,15,10.
Touchdown! Good grief!
Ten!
Green 15! Green 15! Go!
What a hit on Brown.
I tell you, that was about as ferocious a hit as I've seen all year.
He's in pain. And the bad thing about it,
- if he can't come back in and play... - What about the Coyotes?
Get me off the field! Get me off the field!
Lean on him. Lean on him.
He tore something.
- Can you fix him? - If he'll let us.
- Make him understand. - Yes, sir.
- How you feeling, boy? - Feeling all right, Coach.
Took a pretty good shot there.
- Let the old trainer take a look at it. - Yes, sir.
Gilroy with the football, Punkie Tyler, quarterback,
he wants to throw. Throws long, and it is caught!
Touchdown! Gilroy!
Hoofed down there by Mad Dog
in the end zone, and look at him dance with the football.
Get some mustard.
There ain't no room for that hully-gully stuff down there like that.
Kneel on it.
Coach, there's a minute and a half left! Let me throw something.
I ain't interested in another turnover. Get out there!
Move it! Thinks I'm here for his entertainment.
Set. Go!
Well, the clock winding down, and I can't say that I understand this.
- Moxon, kneeling on the football. - That's gutless football.
And listen to this crowd.
Well, at the end of the first half, Coyotes trailing 14 to 7.
You're a gamer, Wendell. Let's do this. You'll be good to go.
- What are you doing? - He's getting back in the game!
Close the door.
- Wendell, don't do this. - Hey, Coach, I heard a pop.
- You know, I think he's hurt pretty bad. - You get out of here!
You all wouldn't know anything about dedication, team play.
But I would.
Don't do it, Wendell. It's not worth it, man.
You gonna listen to that from a gimp
who's praying that we'll lose, so he can be the missing link?
Maybe I shouldn't do it.
- Get the hell out of here! - Don't do it.
Before I lose my temper! Get out!
- Don't do it, Wendell. - Get out of here.
If that needle goes anywhere near Wendell's leg,
I swear to God on my mother's grave
I will rip your arms off and beat you to death with them!
You stay the hell out of this, Billy Bob. This has nothing to do with you.
This has to do with all of us. We kill ourselves for you.
Year round, we play hurt, we play sick,
and we spend most of that time scared that we're gonna screw up
and you're gonna kick our ass, because you don't really give a fuck about us!
All you care about is your next district title.
- Give him the shot. - You give him that shot,
you find yourself another fucking quarterback.
You about ready to lose that scholarship, boy?
If it keeps that needle out of his leg, absolutely.
Good.
Fuck it, I'm out.
That's good! That's good! Finally!
- Tweeter, you take the snaps. - No, I won't.
No, I'm out, Coach.
- What'd you say? - I said, I'm out.
I'm with them.
The only way we're going back out on that field is without you.
- I'm gonna pull the shit out of you! - Get him off! Get him off!
All right, get your helmets on, and take the field. Let's go, let's go!
Let's go now! Let's go, God damn it!
I'm walking out that door. I want you all to trust me
and follow me out there.
Come on, let's go. Let's go.
Let's go after that time now.
Let's go! Let's go. Let's go.
Before this game started, Kilmer said,
"48 minutes for the next 48 years of our lives."
I say, fuck that. All right?
I say, fuck that. Let's go out there,
and we'll play the next 24 minutes for the next 24 minutes,
and we'll leave it all out on the field.
We've got the rest of our lives to be mediocre,
but we have the opportunity to play like gods for the next half of football.
But we can't be afraid to lose. There's no room for fear in this game.
Now, we go out there and we half-ass it because we're scared,
all we're left with is an excuse. We're always gonna wonder.
But if we go out there and we give it absolutely everything,
that's heroic.
Let's be heroes. Come on.
Who's ready? Give it up!
Come on.
What do you say, boys? What do you say, boys?
All right! All right! Go!
Field goal for Gilroy. It is good. Gilroy leads 17 to 7
with 8:10 left in the ball game, and still no Bud Kilmer.
All right! Listen up! Listen up! I need five wide receivers.
We're running an oop-dee-oop. No tight ends, no running backs.
I want four receivers stacked left. Tweeter, you on the right.
We're gonna overload their left side.
Force them to cover Tweeter one on one!
- And no huddles. - What?
I'll call the plays from the line. Defense'll never know what hit them!
All right, let's go! Come on. Break it down!
Let's go! Let's go!
- On three. One, two, three, Coyotes! - Coyotes!
- Let's go! - Go!
All right!
Pass completed that time to Tweeter for 16, and they're going again.
Tweeter on the left! Gonzales on the right!
I don't know what you call this offense, but look at all those receivers.
Three, four, five?
Go!
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!
Gonzales, complete! One more time
and they hurry up for the line of scrimmage. Look at all the receivers!
Long pass this time, Moxon. Touchdown!
While the Coyotes celebrate, the question I've got to you,
where in the world is Bud Kilmer? Did you hurt his feelings?
Well, after the touchdown, I was looking down on the sidelines,
and he's nowhere to be found.
- Come on! Let's go! - Defense! Defense!
- Defense, defense, defense! - Defense, defense, defense!
Let's go, defense!
Go!
All right, now, let's go!
- They're punting it. - Yup. And we're out of time-outs, too.
- If we don't block this, it's over. - Coach Lance, put me in there.
- We'll block it. - What, you wanna play defense?
Put me in there! We'll block it!
All right, get out there.
Thirty-eight seconds left to go in the ball game. Gilroy with the lead 17 to 14.
Billy Bob has come into the ball game for the Coyotes.
Oh, yeah!
Charlie Tweeter blocks the punt! He blocks the punt! Charlie Tweeter!
I tell you what, Billy Bob, man child, got his own zip code, opens a hole up,
Tweeter comes in, throws his hand up. What a great job, big boy!
Coyotes still have a chance.
Twins right, Z out, on one.
Tweeter, make sure you get the hell out of bounds.
Twins right, Z out, on one. Ready?
- Break! - Break!
Get out! Get out! Damn it! Damn it!
Oh, jeez! Come on!
Pass was good to Tweeter but he didn't get out of bounds!
- He didn't get out. - The clock is still running!
The clock's still running!
Come on, let's go quick! On the ball!
Clock's on, get down! Clock's on, get down!
Safe! Go!
Billy Bob? This is it! The man who got us here.
- You ready? - You don't think that lame-ass play
where I run downfield and act like I'm lost is gonna work, do you?
Split left 90. Hook and ladder, on one.
- Ready? Break! - Break!
- Touchdown! Touchdown! - Touchdown! Touchdown!
Touchdown! Touchdown! Touchdown! Touchdown!
Oh, my God! Billy Bob!
Good gosh all mighty Joe Friday! Billy Bob!
Billy Bob! Billy Bob! Coyotes win! Coyotes win! Coyotes win!
Twenty-three district championships!
Mox! Excuse me. Mox!
- Mox. - Hey! Down! Down! Down!
Now wait a minute, wait a minute. I thought you only kissed heroes.
And for some of us, it ended without us knowing.
Maybe these were the last days. I never played football again,
but I will never forget that day.
Billy Bob cried, 'cause he's a bit of a crier.
And Tweeter drank beers, because, well, Tweeter drinks beer.
Lance is happy.
He found his calling as a football coach.
Wendell got his ride to Grambling.
That statue still stands, but only because it was too heavy to move.
Kilmer never coached again.
I took my scholarship, and I will graduate from Brown University.
The day was ours, and no one could ever take it away.